I look better un-naked...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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