So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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