No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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