then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
