I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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