I have demons in me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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