You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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