Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
