maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
