If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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