my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
