You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
