I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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