when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry about my life...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
