I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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