No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize