He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
