Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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