so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
