Kiss
Puke
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
