You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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