You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pants 0. Shit 1.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
