fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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