I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
