I love black thongs
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
