If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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