Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
