do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
