she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
