Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
