Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
