i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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