it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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