So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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