I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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