I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
