try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
