dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
