it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
