it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
should my penis look like a turkey
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
