I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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