she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
