I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
