Me. At least after what I've been through.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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