i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
