okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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