I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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