i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
