There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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