Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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