Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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