You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Houston, we have a blender
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
