I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
