i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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