Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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