her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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