I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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