You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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