i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
