He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
