i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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