A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
