A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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