My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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