I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
