i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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