Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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