I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
