so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
